Three Tips for Healthy Communication in Your Relationship

We all have basic human needs that either fuel the joy in a relationship when they are met or cause extreme anxiety when they are not. Needs like the desire for stability, communication and affection. Have you ever been in a relationship where you parted ways because you never communicated properly, or at all?

There was a young couple I read about that had a vivacious relationship. They were extremely passionate for one another physically and shared some of the deepest emotional connections one might imagine. But because of the wounds each one suffered from their past they were afraid to be the first one to verbally pour out their soul and share how deeply in love they were with the other.

The girl thought it to be inappropriate if she divulged such tender thoughts, believing that it was the role of a young man to open up that stream of conversation first. The guy was so smitten by her love and affections toward him he assumed she knew he was head over heels in love with her. Physically they were created for one another. Intellectually they were a match that thrived on hours and hours of conversation, but when it came to the most intimate details of pillow talk, words of commitment and undying love, neither could bring themselves to be the first to communicate their true feelings. Because of this simple, yet delicate detail and lack of communication, the girl took up with another and her lover wept a bitter song.

Your story may not be as heart-breaking as this one, but haven’t we all suffered from a communication breakdown? To help avoid unnecessary heartbreak in your reel of romance, here are three steps to consider for successful communication:

Recognize the need of your partner – Are they feeling angry because they don’t feel appreciated? Has there been a lack of intimacy and affection and now they feel they are just another dish on your smorgasbord of love? Asking them what they need can create a whole new dimension to the dynamic of your relationship and will certainly communicate to them that you cared enough to ask.

Reel in the temptation to blame – No one likes being blamed, criticized or emotionally castrated. What people feel is real. Their perspective is reality to them whether you agree with them or not. Accusing your partner of having unreasonable concerns or unfounded emotions with only cause them to shut down sexually because they no longer feel safe in opening themselves up to you emotionally. Let them talk and hear them out without judging.

Reduce their anxiety with touch –  One of the most basic human needs is the desire for physical contact. Infants can’t survive without being held. From the moment of birth to the final draw of breath we crave touch. Physical strokes increases brain waves and mental alertness. Even diabetics require less insulin with regular embraces of affection. People sleep better and feel healthier physically and emotionally when they receive adequate amounts of caressing.

Successful relationships never grow without a struggle. It’s the navigating through the challenges that can get tricky, but if both partners are willing to acknowledge the needs of one another, accept the feelings and concerns of their lover and choose to express unconditional love with healthy communication and lots of loving touches the journey will be so worth the ride!

 

 

Chasing Cougars ~ Why Younger Men are in Hot Pursuit of Older Women

                                                              Chasing Cougars ~ Why Younger Men are in Hot Pursuit of Older Women

Dating cougars is not a new fad sweeping across America. In fact, if one takes a peek at one’s history books, they may be surprised to learn that it has been going on for centuries! Elizabeth I, Queen of England, was known to have never married, but this girl knew how to have fun. Back in the 1500’s she and Francois, Duke of Anjou, were quite the item. She was twenty-two years his senior. Ahhh, yes to be Cougar and Queen, it doesn’t get much better than that.

Unless, of course, you are Catherine the Great, Empress of Russia. While she and Grigory Orlov hit it off (he was five years younger than she), when she took the throne she jumped into the sack with Grigory Potemkin who was ten years her junior. After that she enjoyed a three-year relationship with Alexander Dmitriev-Mamonov who was twenty-nine years younger. For this randy gal perhaps that wasn’t young enough, because she then maintained a seven-year love affair with Prince Platon Zuboy who was, are you ready for it – forty years younger.

So what are the key ingredients that draw lovers together who are sometimes decades apart? The most commonly thought of attraction would probably be the physical erotica.

Sex – While men may experience their sexual peak at a younger age (usually between 17-22) women don’t really get rolling until after they hit 35. Guys that have the opportunity to engage in a hot sexy relationship with a cougar tend to experience a more fulfilling sex life for several reasons: 1. Older women know what they want in bed and are bolder in teaching their young buck new tricks and techniques. 2. Older women aren’t afraid or timid about sex and have the experience in pleasing their man while the younger girls may be clueless. 3. Cougars want steamy sex and aren’t needy or demanding of dinners, gifts and mundane conversations before putting out. They know what they want and they don’t waste time apprehending it.

Communication – Men may lust after younger, hard bodies but when it comes right down to it those who desire a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship crave intelligent and interesting conversation. While the younger gals can talk circles around guys over earth-shattering news like this season’s hottest nail polish colors and where Lady Gaga buys her shoes, real men prefer topics of more substance. They want to have a fox on their arm who can make them look good even after she opens her mouth.

Nurturing Relationship – Let’s face it, younger girls tend to be self-absorbed and while guys will put up with that for awhile it does get old fast. Men who chase and catch cougars relish in the nurturing aspects of an older woman’s nature. They tend to have honed in on their listening skills, know when a man needs comfort and encouragement and are not strangers to inspiring men to do great things.

Cougars may have already been in and out of a marriage, perhaps have kids and learned that life is not all about them. But because of their tantalizing attributes, it’s no surprise that they easily become the center of the younger man’s world.

Three Keys to Attain Award-Winning Relationships

It seemed most fitting to post this article after the Grammy Awards captured the eyes and ears of America and beyond. Ironically enough, instead of spending the evening glued in front of the television to see those winners take their bow, I was in a place filled with extremely talented musicians, writers and artists who found it more apropos to be performing than spectating.

I relished in the music of a little man named Mario who may never make it to the Grammy stage but performed for the first time in front of 30-well seasoned musicians who collectively own close to 900 years of music and stage experience and yet stood in awe of the sound, style and fingering techniques this guitarist displayed. This man may have been happy enough to remain a well-kept secret and could have if he were not brought into the light of this non-judgmental room filled with encouragement and cheers.

I heard sweet Miriam from Brazil who with trembling hands birthed her first song ever with such controlled fury and intrigue I felt as if I was sitting before a female version of David Bowie. She was quick to apologize for bringing what she thought was the wrong type of guitar and equipment without realizing that her humble heart and organic passion to create will take her further than any brand of instrument. To see her sing her creation while what seemed to be holding back tears, could not have been more precious in front of this forgiving crowd.

And then there was Jonathon, Steve, Harvey and Bruce who each in his own way delivered assorted songs of amazing humor. Songs about sex, passion and food filled the air as did laughter and an appreciative audience chiming in on the chorus of “Bustin’ Up Some Furniture Tonight”.

What makes this group of performers enticing to be around are the same three elements that make for award-winning relationships:

Encouragement – Whether you are a mother, brother or a lover the key to open another heart is to offer large and frequent doses of encouragement. No one is born with unlimited comfort and fortitude, but when they are with one who is willing to look for ways to support and uplift them they know they have found a jewel.

Forgiveness – If we were as quick to award mercy as we are to desire it when we have gone awry, the world would be quite a different place. Unfortunately we sometimes fall into keeping a running tab of transgressions from those we know and yet simultaneously lavish the gift of grace on to perfect strangers. A relationship will only flourish as long as it is watered frequently with forgiveness.

Humor – Life is intense enough without drama in the love nest. A key ingredient to be able to soar with the eagles is to be willing to laugh at missed opportunities, blunders and ourselves.  Humor and intimacy really do go hand in hand. Finding a partner you can laugh with will open doors to the heart and fuel the ability to love and dream together.

If these three elements have been lacking in your love life just making the decision to implement them is the first step to engaging them on a regular basis. Putting into the relationship will determine what you get out of it and reaping these three benefits will cause you to enjoy an award-winning relationship.

Do You Know What Gets Her Hot?

 

Through out all of history man has been in search of the perfect aphrodisiac.  The Asians introduced ginseng to turn up the heat on their spicy little Szchwen  dumplings.  The Kama Sutra promotes ginger for increased erotic pleasure.  Chocolate has always been in the top ten list due to the chemical releases in the brain.  And then there is Spanish fly, poppers, oysters etc…  But what if I told you that one of the most powerful elements to get your girl hot needs to be implemented way before the candles get lit?  Would you consider this valuable information?  Would you be willing to pay the price?  And once you know what it is, are you willing to count the cost and indulge yourself?  Are you ready for this?  Communication.

This woman you desire needs to be heard.  Sex was never meant to be a one way street.  If you want to experience the ultimate sex and have her crave you more each day, talk to her about her desires.  Learn what satisfies her.  Perhaps she longs to parade in front of you in sexy lingerie.  Or maybe she enjoys specific music or a glass of champagne first.  What if she has fantasies about outdoor spaces and erotic places?  Are you game?  Be willing to try new things.  She may have had fantasies stored up for years.  With open doors of communication you get to be the one to hold the key to unlock those elements that delight her and excite her.  Compassionate communication will engage her heart to trust you and arouse her senses to lust for you.  Learn to listen but also be willing to share your dreams and desires.

You may think your sex life together is off the charts, but if you’re not willing to pay the price for good communication chances are she’s not feelin it.  And wouldn’t be a shame to have her slip away into the arms of another?

Make Him Feel Like a Man

 

Has your relationship lost it’s fizzle?  Men love variety and adore the women who passionately and creatively bring it on.  It’s not enough to just show up, girls, it’s time to up your game and drive him insane with desire for you.  Here is a quick booty check for you to make sure you got the captain of your ship right where you want him:

 

*  When was the last time you stroked his…..ego?                                                                            The male ego is a key component to his attraction to you.  If he hears from your lips how he’s messed up or lacking in any area he will start tightening up the armor to protect himself from those painful accusations and from you.  On the other hand if you are the one telling him he is hot & handsome, there is nothing that will keep him from wanting you 24/7.

 

*  Desire Him                                                                                                                              Men want to be desired by the woman of their dreams.  They need to feel needed emotionally and sexually.  When he knows you long for him he will crave you like Chinese food. Sending him texts, love letters and voice mails telling him how much he satisfies you will only fuel his desires to do so.  Telling him in person only intensifies the degree to which he will adore you.

*  Touch                                                                                                                                      The most primal form of communication and yet we can go a whole day without making sure we touch.  One of the most sexual communications a woman can display is when she walks out of a room (whether it is the board room, dining room or living room) is to touch the man as she exits.  This unexpected appetizer will stick with him in ways you can not imagine. The placement of your hand upon the center of his back, or the stroke of your fingers across his check will send sparks to his soul that create a craving for more.  

*  Dress for Success                                                                                                                    When was the last time your man came home to a sexy pirate girl waiting for him?  Get creative with your wardrobe!  Don’t have him living in the rut of business as usual.  Give him reason to be excited to walk through the door.  Create suspense for him because he will never know who is waiting on the other side be it Pirate Girl, Nurse Nancy or Geisha.  You only live once.  If you found the man you want for keeps then do what it takes to make him feel like a man.